Well. Here we are, exactly ONE WEEK away from bringing home our new puppy from Ottawa! We’re getting a Mini Dapple Dachshund and we have decided on the name Rei (Portuguese for King) for our little man.
It’s been nearly a decade since I had a puppy last (Rex will be ten in April!) and so while preparing for our puppy, I realized creating a list of all the things to remember and purchase before the puppy arrives is important. This was a great refresher for me also, and really helped me to feel 100% ready for next week.
If you’re a first time dog owner, it is a good idea to get some books on the breed of dog you’re getting. Ask your vet for suggestions, or even local animal trainers may have suggestions for good books. Researching the ins and outs of the breed you are going to be living with is really crucial. Every breed has different temperisms and mannerisms and its important to become comfortable with them ahead of time.
Crate training!! It is so important to buy a crate for your puppy. With Rex, I crate trained him until he could be trusted and now he never goes in his kennel ever. He would sleep in his crate as a puppy and also would go in when I would leave the house. It became a safe place for him and I do feel it helped him become a better dog. Amazon has a great selection of dog crates of all shapes and sizes.
Research local dog trainers. It’s important to take your puppy to at least a handful of training sessions, because you are learning too. I know it seems like a lot of money, but often there are coupons for Petsmart and even maybe in local papers or check Facebook marketplace. Training sessions will be helpful for both yourself AND your puppy learn.
Decide ahead of time who your vet will be. Even if that is your current vet its best to let them know and get quotes for things like shots and fixing surgery. The sooner you have that idea the sooner you can mentally work it into your puppy budget in order to make your purchases in order of importance. Often vets will offer free puppy packages, or coupons for a local pet store. Be sure to ask what they have available for freebies!
Be ready to open your heart up. I am literally bursting every day waiting to be with our puppy. Dogs and I have always had a special bond, and I truly find dogs the most loving creatures on the planet. I’ve been searching and attempting to get a second dog for quite a few years. This situation just literally fell into our laps and we could not say no. To say we are excited is an understatement- but we’re very ready to love our little Rei!
I’m in need of a savior, but I’m not asking for favors My whole life, I’ve felt like a burden I think too much, and I hate it
-Silence; Marshmallow ft Khalid
It has been a really long time since I’ve had the guts to write a blog so personal.
As you all know, I recently moved from Whitby to Kingston which was a really big change. I didn’t think I had it in me, even with so much support. Mentally it was hard to wrap my mind around even though I knew Kingston was the better spot for me to settle down and grow old in, it was still a little bit foreign. I grew up here, and all my family is here – but in most ways my LIFE is in Whitby. Toronto is also home to me. It’s a strange feeling that I’m constantly going back and forth between which feels like home. I guess they are both home, for different reasons.
So there was a lot of reasons I left Whitby, but a big one was the fact I was in dire need to get back to my roots and dig deep in finding “The Old Erin”. These past 5 years have been nothing short of traumatic, and in turn I have had some incredible changes and emotions. Mental health really took a forefront in my life in these last 5 years and I was under a constant cloud of self hate, anger and depression.
First my dad got Cancer- that was incredibly stressful and really hard to wrap my mind around. I’ve written blogs about that before so I won’t go into too much detail but the struggles of going through that brought up uncontrollable anxiety and panic attacks. It was extremely tough on me personally, I had zero coping mechanisms. Everyone deals with it differently and for me it was really hard to manage. Even now, it is a difficult topic I have trouble vocalizing as it just brings me back to a dark place. If I talk about it I choke up, because it was just such a dark and uncertain time. What is even more ironic is we are coming up on the 5 year mark in 2019 which is considered Cancer Free. Its a big hurdle to overcome and while I am the most proud of my dad, I am also proud of myself for not letting that situation bury me over the years.
In the last two months since moving to Kingston I have really had to learn to love myself again. After being in an incredibly toxic relationship over the course of three years, I was drained of any amount of self love. Toxic relationships truly change you, in the worst ways. I am so incredibly thankful to my good friends who stuck with me even when I wouldn’t leave because I was too stubborn. They loved me and hugged me while I cried and never left my side or did not have my back for one second. I hope and pray anyone else going through a toxic situation has friends to lean on. I would not be alive if it weren’t for those friends today –that is for certain.
I spent years loving someone who did not know how to give respect or love. I don’t doubt for a second that this person did not love me, I just think he was never taught about love and respect. No matter how much I was open about my feelings of rejection and hurt, he was unwilling to look in the mirror and make changes. I was blamed for every problem and told it was my anxiety, or my lack of self confidence. Even though I didn’t see it then, it was the constant criticism that causing my anxiety and self hate. At some point I got lost in the atmosphere and just fell apart. I believed the horrible things I was told about myself, and I punished myself for being that way. I was too skinny, I was too pale, I didn’t eat enough, I wasn’t fit enough. I couldn’t cook food right, nor could I dress in a way that was appreciated. There was absolutely no acceptance of who I was as a person and instead of leaving the toxic relationship I stayed. Anyone who has experienced this I think can understand the feeling of truly loving someone with every piece of yourself and wishing they could love you the same. I would have done anything for this person, and wished every day I would be accepted, loved, and embraced for who I was. I knew if I could just be accepted and loved the relationship would improve. What I didn’t know, was that he was incapable of giving me what I needed. So instead I stayed, and continued to fall deeper and deeper into hating myself. I really felt if I couldn’t get him to love me, that I wasn’t worthy period. I was told so often about what I lacked, what I couldn’t do, how I couldn’t do it, and why I wasn’t doing it right. This went on for 2+ years of constant back and forth. With each day that passed I just wanted to be loved, and with each hurtful thing said to me it just cut me deeper and made me hate myself more. Every day I could call my girlfriends, crying, and wondering why he couldn’t see me the way they did and everyone else around me. Most days, I felt like I would rather die than be alone. As dramatic as that sounds- unless you have been in a relationship where your mind is so controlled by the other person, it is all you think. I didn’t think I could live or breathe without him.
Eventually, at some point things really fell apart and I guess that is the silver lining to this (Cue “Dancing With our Hands Tied- Taylor Swift;; this song is the literal explanation of the entire relationship). I don’t remember the exact moment, or event that occurred. I just remember things starting to not add up, trust issues set in (which surprisingly we never had trust issues, up until the end), and we both just knew it was over. My friend Rachel was there to pick me right up and help me through that incredibly dark time. She was able to keep me laughing, busy, and moving forward. I had to push on, I had survived an extremely traumatic situation, and made it out. The hard part had just begun though. On one hand, the immediate feeling of relief washed over me. To finally breathe, and not worry about being criticized for every single thing I did or did not do was overwhelming. It was a freedom I had never felt before in my whole life. There is nothing worse than hating yourself (from the years of hearing and believing it) and then being left alone by that person. The breakup was mutual, don’t get me wrong. But I still had feelings of emptiness and like I failed because he wasn’t there.
Over the next 6 months I not only managed to move to a new city, but completely start my life over. I have worked so hard through therapy and practise to love myself again. A lot of self care was practised, and a lot of doing exactly what felt good to me was what helped me get past all the negativity that was engrained in my brain. At no point will I ever date a person who shows signs of being abusive and toxic. I can spot the red flags very easily now, and the clarity I have is nothing short of a miracle. I am so proud of the progress I made and how I got here. I am proud of the fact this move solidified my three best girlfriends. You know who you are, and I wouldn’t be the confident, beautiful, loving person I am today without you three. My friends build me up, and I don’t feel guilty for accepting compliments from them. At no point should anyone feel guilty for compliments but thats just how my mind has been trained up until this point. Most people aren’t lucky enough to have one good friend and I have been blessed with three of the best girlfriends anyone could ever need. They all bring different perspectives to my life and for each I am beyond thankful and grateful for. With the help of them, I have been able to build myself back up, and move to a new city. Friendships are incredibly important when rebuilding your self love. You need to have people who see you the way you are and know when you need some confidence.
As I dip my toes back in the dating world it’s an interesting thing. I am almost 29, at the age where I certainly know I want to get married and have a child. Finding someone who wants the same things, and is a good person is the most difficult task. Learning to trust again is a challenge, I don’t really trust anyone is good anymore and I have all these fears of letting someone in, only to have them wind up putting me through the ringer again. I think I am certainly OK with winding up alone, it is not the end of the world. I just feel that the current state of Dating in 2019 is a hot mess, in which no one is clear or kind. It’s been a struggle, but I’m happy to say I can laugh now. I can laugh when a guy wants to say something hateful to me. I’m better than that. At no point have I ever been the person to put someone else down (Probably because that is what I am used to dealing with.), but I find it’s very common. It means a lot of duds, and ghosting. It’s hard to not overthink every single thing going on, do you talk too much or too little? It’s getting easier to just be myself though and the person can either take it and embrace it, or leave. Either is fine, I’m just finally at the point where I am who I am and it’s not changing. I love myself, I am an incredibly good and loyal friend. I will never intentionally hurt someone nor do them wrong. The cool thing is though, when you love yourself, you don’t look for acceptance elsewhere. I am the only person who needs to love me and I am finally there again. Months of therapy, lots of books, and tons of writing. So many of my emotions I was able to write and journal about. Just like this blog here is something I’ve been putting off for a while because it’s just nerve-racking. But it is incredibly freeing and empowering to be able to finally speak out on these past few months and what I’ve been going through. I’m finally able to LOVE my blog, and be proud of the work I do.
I was able to overcome some absolutely wild hurdles, and come out on the other side better than ever. I am thriving, I have great friends, and a family who loves me. 2019 is not off to a bad start..
Boss Beauty Bar is a brand new Environmentally Conscious Spa that has opened in the heart of Whitby, ON.
Walking into Boss Beauty Bar is literally a girls dream. White walls, marble, and Rose Gold everything. It’s basically how I envision my dream office space being… only in a spa! What’s better than that? Not much, in my opinion.
They are in the process of getting their liquor license, which will definitely enhance the experience that much more in the future. Girls night in? I’m feeling it The vibe of this space is just girly, bright, and so welcoming. So what does it entail to be an Environmentally Conscious spa? Well, first of all they are SUPER clean. New tools are used for each and every client. The biggest part that drew me into this spa was they are free of the big 5 beauty chemicals commonly used in other spas.
No Formaldehyde, toluene, BHA, DBP or Camphor. They use only cruelty free, vegan, and gluten free products! They do have some that aren’t, but the variety of colours they have and options is amazing. There are so many positives that this spa has, I literally can’t get enough. They have it dressed to the nines, large white leather chairs embellished with gigantic jewels which is sure to make any women feel like a princess! They use the line of products called Delectable, which are vegan, cruelty free, gluten free, paraben free, and they smell like candy. I couldn’t get enough of this line.
They do nails, lashes, and waxing. Everything you need to get fully pampered.
They have the options of booking your appointment online. I highly suggest Amanda D, she was so relatable, friendly, and I think we laughed the entire time. It’s so refreshing to have someone who is interested in chatting and theres no uncomfortable silence, or any sort of language barrier. It really makes the experience better. Call today and book your appointment, don’t forget on Saturdays that the Town of Whitby has FREE parking! Perfect to take advantage of this.
Any of my fellow migraine sufferers been struggling this week? I have. This entire week I’ve been battling a never ending migraine and I couldn’t figure out why. Yeah the weather has been terrible, which is really what I was blaming the migraine on. But then I read the news this morning and this evening we are expecting a Full Moon. A strawberry moon to be exact.
So how exactly does a Full Moon cause migraines? Well Scientists and doctors aren’t sure of why migraines can be triggered by the lunar cycle however a certain number of theories are floating around:
The full moon can disrupt sleep; for me personally, I can’t ever sleep very well. So the extreme lack of sleep this week has definitely not aided in kicking this migraine to the curb.
The full moon can change levels of serotonin. Serotonin is a big factor when it comes to migraines; when the levels of that neurotransmitter change, a migraine is often triggered.
Some women’s menstrual cycles revolve with the moon, and I’ve been expecting mine this weekend, so probably a double whammy for me!
We are about 70-80% water. Changes in barometric pressure affect me heavily: when the weather is hot and humid I’m definitely plagued with a migraine. When it is overcast and cloudy, prime time as well. Weather is so unpredictable in the past year and this has been a huge problem for me.
So what have I done this week to try and help this migraine? I say that, because how often do friends, family members, or even strangers decide to say “Hey have you tried this?” And all I can think is that I have tried virtually every drug, treatment, natural remedy, etc. At this point its just about acceptance, and making it work when I have one.
I have been taking Tremadol, and Tylenol 3 consistently to combat the pain (I have had to work all week due to the long weekend so I could not afford to take a sick day to recover)
I have been taking large amounts of Magnesium & Melatonin at bed time to try and get my body to sleep.
Long walks with a hat, sunscreen, and as much coverage as I can. Although sun can make it worse, for me, it is important to get fresh air, and move my body. The more I sit, the worse I truly find it gets because the blood isn’t moving in my body and I can just feel it swooshing around in my brain.
Ice, Ice, Baby. Yep, good old ice packs! Neck, Shoulders, temples, etc.
I had Acupuncture & Osteopath on Monday, as well as had my weekly nerve blockers, B12 & Iron shot on Tuesday.
Coffee, and Coke. I find the caffeine in Coffee when I wake up might make the pain a little less severe, and the cold carbonation and caffeine from Coca Cola can temporarily release the pain. Plus, any form of hydration is good (in my opinion).
I hope you all can find some relief tonight if you have been suffering this week! Let me know how the moon affects you!